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Personal Reflections

If You Want to Follow God, You Need to Be Okay With Disappointing People

I was reflecting on my life recently, thinking about some of the decisions my husband and I have made over the years, the decisions our children have made, and how often following what God has placed in our hearts can mean disappointing the people we love.

I realized that so many of the decisions I've made, decisions that were actually steps of faith and obedience to the Lord, probably looked like rebellion, foolishness, or disobedience to others. Sometimes we were going against our parents' wishes, other people's expectations, or simply doing things that didn't make sense to the world around us.

Almost 30 years ago, my husband and I left Italy to move to Canada because we knew the Lord was calling us. We left our country, our families, our friends, and everything familiar behind. We literally left everything to go somewhere where we had nothing. We didn't know what our future would look like, but we knew we had to obey.

And then I started thinking about our children and how, as parents, we've also been on the other side of this.

When one of our sons graduated from eight years of university as a dentist, he told us he wanted to continue studying for another four years to become an oral and maxillofacial surgeon, followed by another year of fellowship training in plastic surgery. I remember thinking, Five more years? More schooling? More financial strain and debt? More years before he can finally start earning a living?

We weren't exactly thrilled! But even though we didn't agree, or understand, this was his dream, the path he believed God had placed in his heart.

And we had to be ok with that.

Then another one of our sons told us he wanted to become a police officer. Again, we weren't happy about it. As parents, we worried about the dangers of that profession. We wanted him to be safe. But he had his own dreams and his own path to follow.

And we had to learn how to be ok with that and trust God.

And then I thought about myself. When the Lord called me to become a Christian life and brain coach at 50 years old, it didn't even make sense to me at first!

I had already built a very successful career as a chef, and now God was calling me to do something completely different.

I knew it wouldn't make sense to other people either. Even my husband, in the beginning, didn't really understand it. But I knew what the Lord had placed in my heart, and I had to follow His leading.

I also thought about my daughter's boyfriend. He grew up in a Hindu family, and when he told his parents that he had become a Christian, they didn't take it well. It was painful for him because he loves his parents and didn't want to hurt or disappoint them. But he was following his faith and what he believed God was calling him to.

And as I reflected on all these situations, I realized something.

Sometimes we're the ones disappointing people, and sometimes we're the ones being disappointed because the people we love are choosing a path different from the one we imagined for them.

And that's when I realized that:

If you want to follow God, you need to become comfortable with disappointing people.

I need you to hear this: Disappointing people does not automatically mean you're dishonoring them.

And if you're anything like me, this can be especially difficult because I've struggled with people-pleasing for much of my life.

For some of us, people-pleasing wasn't simply about wanting people to like us. It was something we learned growing up. We learned to keep the peace, avoid conflict, make others happy, and put their feelings and expectations before our own. Somewhere along the way, we began connecting people's approval with love, acceptance, and safety.

And when you've lived that way for years, disappointing someone can feel like you've done something terribly wrong.

Your mind starts racing. What if they're upset with me? What if they think I'm disrespectful? What if they reject me? What if I've hurt them?

And before you know it, you're overexplaining, apologizing, second-guessing your decisions, or trying to make everyone happy again.

There's actually a reason for this. When our brains have learned to associate disapproval with rejection or conflict, our nervous systems can respond to disappointment as though our safety or connection is being threatened. That uncomfortable feeling can trigger old survival patterns, especially people-pleasing and the need to keep everyone happy.

But feeling guilty doesn't always mean you've done something wrong. Sometimes it's your mind responding to years of conditioning that taught you that disappointing people meant losing their love, acceptance, or approval.

And I think some of you really need to hear that.

Because you're in a season where you're following God's leading, but your parents don't agree, your family doesn't understand, your friends are questioning your decisions, or even your spiritual leaders have different expectations for your life.

And because you love and respect these people, their disappointment hurts.

But loving and honoring someone doesn't mean you have to live according to the plans they've made for you.

And the first Biblical example that came to mind was Jonathan, who disobeyed his father, King Saul, when Saul ordered him to kill David, because Jonathan knew that David was chosen by God.

To others, this could have looked like dishonoring his father, but Jonathan was choosing to honor God's will instead.

Daniel continued praying when the king made it illegal. His friends Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego refused to bow before the golden image, even when threatened with death. And Esther risked her life by approaching the king without being summoned to intercede for her people.

Different people, different circumstances, but they were all following God's purposes and that can sometimes look like rebellion and disobedience.

As parents, we want what's best for our children. We want them to be safe, secure, successful, and happy. But sometimes what we believe is best for them isn't necessarily the path God has for them.

And the same is true of our own parents, our families, and even our spiritual leaders. They may genuinely love us. They may have good intentions. Their concerns may come from a place of love and protection.

But loving someone doesn't mean we always know what's best for their life.

Sometimes we have to release the plans we've made for others, just as we have to release ourselves from the expectations others have placed upon us.

And this is where renewing our minds becomes so important.

Romans 12:2 tells us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Part of that renewal is recognizing the beliefs that have shaped the way we think, feel, and respond.

Maybe you've spent years believing, If I disappoint my parents, I'm dishonoring them. If my spiritual leader doesn't agree with me, I'm being rebellious. If someone I love is upset with me, it's my responsibility to make them happy.

But are those beliefs true?

You can honor your parents without following their plans for your life. You can respect your spiritual leaders without making their approval the final authority over your decisions. And you can love your children without expecting them to fulfill your dreams.

When you've spent years trying to keep everyone happy, learning to tolerate someone's disappointment takes practice. You may feel anxious or guilty. You may want to explain yourself, apologize, or change your decision just to make that uncomfortable feeling go away.

But you don't have to let those feelings make your decisions for you.

This isn't about becoming rebellious, prideful, or unwilling to receive correction. We still need wisdom, godly counsel, humility, and accountability. But there's a difference between honoring someone's place in your life and allowing them to take God's place in your life.

Jesus made this clear in Matthew 10:37 when He said that whoever loves father or mother more than Him is not worthy of Him. Our love and obedience to Him must come first.

And Galatians 1:10 reminds us that we cannot make pleasing people our highest priority while living as servants of Christ.

So if you're struggling with guilt because following God's leading has disappointed someone you love, release the weight of expectations God never placed upon you.

Not everyone will understand your journey, and some may never agree with your decisions. You can love them, honor them, and listen to their concerns without surrendering what God has called you to do.

And as parents, we must also learn to give our children that same freedom.

I'd rather be criticized by people for obeying God than be applauded by people for disobeying Him.

If you want to follow God, you need to be okay with disappointing people.